Ke Ora

If you haven’t heard, we are currently terrorizing New Zealand for our 40th wedding anniversary. Those who think that “terrorizing” might be little over the top have never seen me trying to drive on the wrong side of the road. After two near misses the first day, I settled down to driving way too far on the left and turning on my windshield wipers every time I wanted to signal.

Kia Ora is the Māori expression for hello. It actually means “be well/healthy,” but is used by Kiwis of both Māori and Pākehā (European) descent for “welcome,” “goodbye” and “thank you.” It is one of the shorter expressions in Māori.

For example, there is a hill in the Hawke’s Bay named Taumatawhakatangihanga-koauauotamateaturipukakapikimaunghoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu,” or “the summit where Tamatea, the man with the big knees, the slider, climber of mountains, the land-swallower who traveled about, played his nose flute to his loved one.” Who could resist a man with big knees?

We left New Mexico in the midst of blowing snow and temperatures in the 20s only to wake to a warm, brilliantly green New Zealand of flowers, rolling hills of grasslands, fresh fruit, and friendly people. New Zealand has a Mediterranean climate much like southern California only without all the plastic surgery

Like Ireland, New Zealand is a land without snakes, so people were constantly asking us to explain Donald Trump. They were disappointed that we couldn’t explain him either. We were also at a loss to explain the American love affair with automatic weapons silencers and armor piercing ammunition. There is nothing like traveling to make you realize all the things that you accept as normal aren’t normal.

Our first stop was in New Plymouth, which is located in the southwest corner of the North Island. We came to visit Peter Hall, Toni’s second cousin once removed (how do you remove a cousin?). Like almost everyone else in the area, Peter owns a dairy farm. It’s a family farm with 109 hectares (about 270 acres) with 190 cows who produce more than 800,000 liters of milk a year.

Unfortunately, larger corporate farms are on the horizon in NZ, according to Peter. One of the downsides of corporate dairy farms was illustrated by a recent incident in New Mexico. In December, a major snow storm hit the southeastern section of the state, and more than 30,000 cows suffocated because people couldn’t dig them out in time.

Sadly, the Kiwis (what the New Zealanders call themselves) are part and parcel of the 21st century. The economic crisis in China has devastated the NZ milk market, driving down the cost of milk to about 20¢ a liter and causing a wave of suicides of middle-aged dairymen.

And it is about to get worse, as NZ seems sure to sign the Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement, the mega “free trade” deal whose provisions are being kept secret and no one is allowed to reveal them for two years after the agreement is signed. All one can say is the international pharmaceutical companies helped negotiate a part of the agreement and are very happy about it. For some reason, that does not reassure me.

We also had the chance to visit Mount Taranaki, a large volcano that visually dominates the district. The film Last Samurai was shot in the area with Mount Taranaki standing in as Mt Fuji. As early as 1881, New Zealanders realized that clearing the land for farming had destroyed almost all of the island’s natural plants and animals, and a forest reserve was established. More land was added and in 1900 Mount Taranaki became New Zealand’s second national park.

The volcano actually has two names: Mt. Taranaki and Mt. Egmont. Capt. Cook named it Mt. Egmont in 1770, but in recent years, many place names have reverted back to the originally Māori names. Taranaki means “shining mountain” for the snow that accumulates on it in the winter.

While they may be forward thinking on the issues of respect for Native culture and diversity, New Zealanders seems to be similar to America in the 1950s: far too wholesome and decent to be believed. You almost expect the Cleaver family with the Beaver and Wally to show up at any moment. Here, of course, the entire family would have Maori tattoos and stick out their tongues to frighten the audience.

Most of all, it is summer. There is no snow, no huddling at home. The people are nice, friendly and very naïve. I am thinking about introducing them to Three Card Monte.

vgprod@msn.com